Hidden
by GinjaSnap
Summary: In a world where a twist of fate pulls Jacob from Nessie's life, does she have a shot at finding love? Love that isn't born of compulsion, but one born of honest desire. Will it be a human? Vampire? Possibly something else? Set after Breaking Dawn, featuring original characters. Romance mixed with my typical emotional angst. Rated M because that's all I write! Read & Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the sole possession and creation of Stephenie Meyer. I don't own nor do I profit from using her characters, or from this piece of fiction.**

 **A/N: Hey guys! I know, I know, if you follow any of my other stories, I am way behind at updating. However, over the holiday season I was given the chance to compete in Better in Texas' Winter Wonderland Contest where I wrote a one-shot piece of fan fiction. It too was titled "Hidden," and had the characters you will find here. I enjoyed writing it so much and felt there was more story to tell, so I've decided to turn it into a full piece of writing. I have every intention of finishing my other works, but I wanted to go ahead and get this out there. Let me know what you think! Xoxo- Ginja**

*** Chapter 1 ***

I remember the moment I lost him.

Not because I felt the severing of some sort of invisible string that linked the two of us together, that was strictly a Jacob-type thing.

I was never the one who was tied like a dog at the end of a leash, no, I was the anchor that held him in place. Or as Jake would say, I was the sun and he was destined to circle around me, day after day, on a pre-destined path that he couldn't step off of nor did he want to. The earth doesn't question its orbital tract; it just falls in line because that's what it's supposed to do.

No, I remember the moment I lost him because I saw it with my own eyes. It's like some sort of sensory memory – the temperature of the frigid air that winter, the sound of Jacob's howl of pain mixed in with his body hitting the ground, the picture of those two filth-covered nomads as they clawed savagely at fur, the surge of adrenaline that came when I turned and saw what was happening, knowing that he wouldn't survive the inflicted wounds.

That's my imprint.

The imprint in my brain that I can't erase no matter how hard I try.

And believe me, I've tried.

That brings us to my current location at a table for two in the Tunnel City Coffee shop, with a mess of textbooks, notes and my laptop covering every inch of space save for the now-cold cup of coffee and remnants of sugar-laden pastry.

After I said my final farewell to Jacob on the reservation, I demanded that we leave the continent. There weren't enough miles I could distance between myself and LaPush. Mom and Dad, not to mention the rest of the family, were quick to grant my wish, and we spent a year hopping all over Europe, but it still wasn't enough. I decided I needed more focus, something that demanded my attention with a framework of requirements that must be met so my mind had less time to wander.

So, I went back to school. College to be exact - Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts, home of the Ephs. I had finished high school with Jacob by my side on the reservation, allowing us both time with our respective families, but after receiving our diplomas, neither of us felt the need to spend our days in a classroom, much to the chagrin of my father. This new plan to continue my education had Edward over-the-moon thrilled, and most days, I loved it as well.

At the moment, I'm just trying to prepare for next week's finals and then the school will shut down for the winter holiday. Even though most students were frantically studying in hopes of doing well on their exams, there was still that undercurrent of excitement at the prospect of having a few weeks off. Christmas decorations were on display everywhere you looked, the music in the background of the coffee shop had switched to holiday tunes 24/7, and peppermint mocha was all the rage once more. I wish I could share in the world's enthusiasm, but every December came with baggage of the day I lost him. As much as I've tried and succeeded to pack that memory away, it still fights its way to the center of my thoughts at the end of each year.

I frowned in frustration with myself for getting distracted, especially when I had studying that required my attention. Closing my eyes and placing my fingers on my eyelids, I pressed slightly causing the black to brighten slightly, as if maybe the action could push the images back into my skull, back to their hiding place. The action of cutting off my line of sight caused some pop band's rendition of " _It's a Holly Jolly Christmas_ " to ring even louder in my ears, and I cursed whatever song writer had put pen to paper on that annoying melody. Oh by golly indeed.

I didn't even bother to open my eyes when I heard him sit down. I'd recognize his scent and the sound of his footsteps anywhere, the intentional steps of a vampire trying to pose as a human.

"Rough day?"

"Could you possibly explain to me how it is that Henry the Eighth continued to find wives, even though he had a knack for offing them left and right? Who cares about being queen if you can't keep your head attached to your shoulders? Run for the hills! Hop the next ship to France! I seriously doubt he was as good looking as Jonathan Rhys Meyers made him out to be," I asked conversationally as I dropped my hands into my lap in a huff, taking a moment to let my eyes adjust to the intrusion of light once more.

"I'm old, but I'm not that old, darlin'" leaning back in the chair opposite me, Jasper grinned at me from across the table, "so, I can't say from personal knowledge, but if I had to guess, I'd say it all comes down to power. People will always do what they can to get their hands on as much of it as they can obtain, even marrying half-crazed kings." 

"I don't know….between the corsets and those dresses where your boobs are being flattened and pushed up to your chin, I'm not sure I wouldn't just choose the life of a peasant girl. You know, just living on my family's farm, taking care of the cows."

That caused him to throw his head back and laugh, and I couldn't help but smile myself. I loved my family, but Jazz and I? We have a special bond.

Maybe it's the fact that I decided to major in history, and that happens to be one of my uncle's favorite subjects. The family all had their opinions of what I should study for my first stint in college, but in the end, I was the one who chose history for my own reasons. If I was going to spend the rest of eternity walking the world as a vampire hybrid, I might as well take a look back and try and take in all I'd missed before staring towards the future. Jasper enjoys debating with the professors, especially those who think themselves "experts" on the history of this great nation, so he signed up with me and we share more than a few classes.

But if I had to pick the moment that linked us together, it'd be the same day I've been trying not to think about. Funny how in one breath, fate can tear two people apart and in the next she cements two lives as one. Jasper never questioned my decision to end Jacob's murderers. He didn't try and reason with me or talk me out of it, and after the deed was done, he didn't tiptoe around me as if I had somehow twisted into this "thing" that wasn't there before.

Hell, I was still Renessmee Cullen, daughter of Bella and Edward, favored niece and granddaughter, darling of the family, and previously Jacob Black's imprint.

Only now, I was also the girl who ordered two men to take their own lives, and I refused to look away as their bodies burned, and I wish I had found closure in the action but I hadn't. A measure of satisfaction maybe, but it still wasn't enough payment for the crime they'd committed by killing a life so innocent. Given the chance, I'd probably bring them back and execute them all over again, hoping that maybe ending their existence once more might be the key to peace.

And Jasper understood that. After we'd left the woods that day, he helped me grieve, but he didn't treat me like I was broken. The rest of the family acted as if the moment had never happened, choosing to focus solely on the tragedy that was Jacob's death. We Cullens can be professionals when it comes to denial. So, of course, I gravitated towards Jasper's honesty, and we'd been fast friends ever since.

Realizing I'd drifted off into my own thoughts for the second time since sitting down at this table, I shook my head and grabbed my coffee cup only to grimace at the dark liquid that had grown cold in the cup. Jasper leaned forward and removed the mug from my hands, replacing it with his own, which was still steaming. Instant refill for me, no pretending to drink for him – it was a win/win situation.

Placing his cup on an open textbook, he gave me the critical eye that let me know he was testing the air, trying to get a read on my emotions. Knowing that I could try and override the airwaves with a shot of annoyance but he'd immediately pick up on my diversionary tactics, I wasn't surprised when he asked a little too innocently, "Something on your mind?"

I took a closer look at him, at the way he'd just crossed his arms, stretching the soft grey flannel across his shoulder, noting that this wasn't so much an emotional check-up as an inquiry.

Alice.

Go figure, my future-seeing aunt had a premonition of something, and Jasper wasn't here asking me out of genuine curiosity, but as a way to open up a discussion about something she'd already seen.

Gritting my teeth and sighing, I leaned back and crossed my own arms, our stances now mirroring one another, though his was laid back and mine was tense as I wasn't in the mood to talk about what I wasn't ready to talk about. I ground out, "What did she tell you?"

Knowing I wasn't in the mood for bull shit excuses as to how Alice couldn't help what she saw, her visions just came to her unbidden, Jasper shot straight with his response, "She can't see anything definite, as you haven't made up your mind about the details yourself. However, it seems you want to take a little trip over the winter holiday…. alone."

Avoiding his gaze, I broke our mutual stare down by choosing to occupy my line of sight with the people walking by on the sidewalk, their bodies wrapped in a rainbow of scarves and thick winter jackets. Such care free lives they led, just bustling through the holidays, trying to figure out the perfect gift. I envied that. For as much freedom as one might think immortality offered, it often felt like the wonder was stripped away when things seemed silly or mundane in the grand scheme of a supernatural, never-ending existence.

My voice was soft, hoping he'd feel more than I could express in a simple sentence, as I explained, "I just need a break this year. I'm suffocating, Jazz, and I need the chance to breathe free for a moment."

Jasper merely sat there without speaking, taking it all in. Whatever Alice had seen, my brief explanation, the raw emotions that I allowed to bleed out unseen but felt by him in the caffeine-soaked air of the coffee shop, he gave weight to each one before nodding in acceptance, and I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he would support me on this. Well, that was at least one member of the family in my corner.

"They're not going to like it," he stated the obvious and I snorted in a 'duh' manner.

"I'm not a child, Jazz, nor am I some collectible vase that needs to be kept in a special case, safe from the dangers of the world or anyone's dirty fingers," I said defensively.

Hands held up in surrender, he soothed, "Darlin', I'm not the one who needs convincing here. I just wanted to talk to you about it first and warn you that you better broach the subject soon, cause Alice can only keep things hidden for so long. She's playing the overly energetic Christmas elf at the moment, trying to decorate every square inch of the house and shop for a million things we all don't need, hoping that if she's busy enough, your dad won't catch on." 

"That's not an act, Alice would be like that whether she was trying to cover for me or not," I pointed out.

"True," Jasper agreed with a fond smile for his mate, "But, if Edward catches word of it from her rather than you…"

Waving off his concern because I really didn't want to hear the truth in it, I shrugged, "Yeah, yeah, I know."

Hearing someone clear their throat just over my shoulder, I saw Jasper stiffen in his chair and immediately smiled with amusement at the gesture. He's kind of cute when plays protective uncle.

A tall boy with blonde hair, cut close to his head stepped into my line of sight, his own worn backpack slung over one shoulder while his free hand held a to-go cup. I recognized Toby, who shared my Russian history class. He was smart, not brilliant by any means, but he kept up with the discussions and even had something interesting to share now and then. I gave him my best dazzling smile, causing him to blush. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper roll his eyes at the exchange.

"Hey, Toby," I decided to end the awkward silence, "How's it going?"

He gulped before nodding, "Good. I see you're busy studying for Professor Hendrick's final. He makes it out to be a beast, but it really isn't that hard if you've been taking notes throughout the semester. He doesn't stray from the material he presents in class."

With a relieved laugh, I feigned, "Well that's good to know. Between my cousin here and myself, I think we've got all the lectures covered."

He stared over at Jasper who was less than amused by my classmate, and quickly turned his eyes back on me. Poor kid doesn't realize just how dangerous my "cousin" truly is.

"I was wondering if maybe, after finals were finished, you'd might want to grab something to eat. I'm heading back home next week, but I've got some time this weekend."

"That sounds lovely," I preened, encouraging him with my voice, "If you give me your phone, I'll give you my number."

I quickly typed in my contact info and handed it back to him, letting our fingers touch long enough to send a little jolt of magnetism his direction as I stared into Toby's blue eyes. He had half a brain, seemed like a nice guy in class, and was attractive enough that I could make it work.

Smiling a little brighter over how well his invitation had gone, Toby started to step away, saying, "I'll give you a call on Thursday and we'll figure something out."

I waved my fingers in dismissal before turning to Jasper, who had that little wrinkle between his eyebrows as he stared at me. Kicking him under the table, I chided, "Stop giving him the death glare. He didn't do anything to you or me for that matter…yet."

I laughed at Jasper's grimace, but he only reasoned, "Ness, that boy is nothing but a walking bucket of lust."

"Who said I wanted something serious?" I questioned, "He finds me attractive and I've got an itch that needs scratching. Seems like a perfect match to me, a little after finals stress relief could do this body some good."

"I did not need to hear that," he muttered.

I placed my hand on his, sending him a memory of a few nights ago when Auntie Alice was more than a little on the noisy side while she and Jasper were holed up in their room and snarked, "Yeah, well, I didn't need hear that either."

If he had possessed any blood to blush, Jasper would have, but he did at least try to look slightly shamed. I only laughed as I started to pack up my mess of books and papers, continuing with my best bitch smile, "You were saying?"

Grabbing a couple of texts himself, he hurriedly replied, "Nothing, nothing at all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: As always, Twilight remains the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. Any use of her characters are for entertainment and I in no way benefit financially by borrowing them.**

 _*** Chapter 2 ***_

Lying in the middle of the bed, my bra still hanging on by one strap and a very heavily breathing Toby beside me, I have one thought:

I am well and truly fucked.

Well, if we want to make things literal, I am fucked, as in, that's what Toby just finished doing. Bless him. He tried. Gave it his most valiant effort, and for all intents and purposes, it was a great job. He's been reading Cosmo or watching some sort of instructional porn material on the internet I'm certain.

Only, I'm pretty sure I'm broken. In the past I have been so well screwed by my former lover that this poor human male, for all his will power at holding off his own climax along with well meaning fingers and flexible positioning, just didn't do it.

At. All.

 _FFFfffffuuuuccckkkk._

Where's a werewolf….vampire…some sort of supernatural penis when you need one?

What the hell am I going to do?

I'm so wound up, I feel like I could snap in half. I would kill for an orgasm right now. Doesn't have to be a long one, I'm not picky. Just something to push me over the edge, to relive that moment when it all feels so freaking amazing that it's almost too much for a girl's brain to handle.

Toby's starting to trace circles on my stomach with his finger and I'm pretty sure he's going to start drawing hearts or some shit, and I have got to get out of here before my even more frustrated self takes it out on him. He doesn't deserve that. He picked up the dinner tab, gave me some insight on next semester's instructors, even invited me to take a back side tour of the Smithsonian over break. He's got family in DC and knows someone who can hook us up. A seriously great guy who's hiding a rather well built body under all those sweaters with button downs, but not the one for me.

*sigh*

 _FFFFffffuuuuuccckkk._

Sitting up, I begin the process of putting my clothes back where they belong on my body, saying a silent prayer that Toby will make this an easy getaway.

"Hey, you gotta leave already?" he inquires lazily, and I look over to see his eyes are still closed.

That's good, pretty boy, just drift off to dreamland and let me make my exit.

"Yeah, I gotta get up in the morning and do a girls' breakfast Christmas shopping trip with my family," I threw a careless smile over my shoulder, as I pull my hair out from the neckline of my oversized sweater, letting it fall haphazardly down my back as I search for my discarded jeans, "I can show myself out, no need to get up."

"Are you sure?" he asks with honest concern, his eyes now working to focus on my figure moving about his darkened room.

Internally I sigh miserably at another display of just how nice he is and how unfair that there is a piece of the universe that seems stacked against allowing this to work, but I paste a cheerful smile on my face and walk over to plant a quick kiss on his lips, "Yes, I'm fine seeing myself out."

Pulling me in for another kiss, I turn liquid and let him claim another one of my moments before standing up and grabbing my bag that was discarded on the floor.

He calls out a, "Hey, I'll call you about the museum thing!" while I head down the stairs to the front door of his condo, and I can only roll my eyes because we are such a lost cause that I won't be taking any of his calls. That plane has crashed and burned, whether he's aware of it or not.

Making my way home, staring at the brilliant colors of Christmas lights that blur past my windshield, their festive luminescence stark contrast to the wailing emo music pouring out my speakers. It will do me no good to indulge in a pity part right now, yet I don't deny my inner angst its day and listen to some high-pitched male in guy liner sing about love lost.

Walking into the foyer of our upscale home, I throw my keys in the crystal bowl sitting on the antique oak credenza and take my time while hanging up my coat, taking note of just who's home.

Jazz…Alice…Em and Rose…they're safe…no mom or dad, no grandparents equals no questioning on how my date went, bonus for me.

Stopping in the kitchen to grab a glass of red wine, I had every intention of just making my way to a long bath and a good book, that was until I heard him snicker. I bristled, stopping my foot before it could touch the bottom step and turned to meet Emmett's gaze as he tried to silence his laughter.

Rosalie was giving him the evil eye while pinching his bicep, while Jasper gauged my reaction and Alice told Emmett to "Shut up, Em!"

"Something funny, dear Uncle?" I asked, artificially sweet with one bitch brow cocked.

Emmett was biting his lip, trying not to respond and mentally I'll admit I extended the invitation, I dared him to answer. I welcomed the chaos that was about to go down. I cocked my head to the side, staring at my target and only him, waiting for a response.

"I mean, do you think we could maybe invest in something battery powered? Would that help?" he asked with a fake concerned tone to his voice as if he were addressing some serious issue and not my sexual frustration. He even kept a straight face for a whole 5 seconds after asking the question, and then the snickering returned.

I couldn't avoid the red that clouded my vision, and it appears Jasper isn't in the mood to play peacemaker tonight, so there wasn't any kind of emotion mojo manipulation when I spat out coldly, "Oh, it is on, motherfucker."

Indulging in full on laughter, Emmett jumped up from the couch when I launched myself at him, stopping only when Jasper locked his arms around mine. He could momentarily stop my assault, but not my words, "When I get a hold of you, I am going to rip your testicles off and place them in a jar and bury them in an unknown location and then I'm going to command you to keep searching until you find them."

Thinking he was safe, Em crossed his arms and retorted, "Seriously, Ness, we have to do something about you being so….tense? Uptight? Frustrated? It really brings out your

anger."

Jasper was being careful not to make skin contact, so I closed my eyes and calmed my heart rate just like he had taught me, in an effort to fool him that I could be level headed. Over my shoulder, I heard him tell his brother, "Seriously man, she's really not up for being messed with right now. You should probably take a break while I handle this."

 _Handle this?! Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm…._

Emmett weighed the option of sticking around or listening to J's advice when he made to leave and Jasper started to relax his hold. Just the opening I needed to grab hold of his forearm, sending a current of energy while smoothly suggesting, "Jazz, why don't you go sit in the corner and pretend you're a chicken while I take care of our pal Em here?"

Alice saw his compliance and muttered, "Where is your mother when we need her? Jazzy? Jasper? Jasper! Snap out of it!"

But the damage was done, and Jasper couldn't stop the desire he had to give me what I wanted, so he walked to the corner of the dining area and set up roost, complete with clucking. I wish I could say I felt a little guilty, but maybe later. For now, I'll celebrate the fact that the one person who could keep me from Emmett has been dispatched. Alice won't try. She's too afraid of what will come out of my mouth.

Game on.

I knocked over the vase on the coffee table when I leaped over it and the leather sofa, as I started to follow Emmett out the back door. Rosalie had refused to move or get involved in the whole thing, feeling sympathy for my current situation and knowing her husband was an immature pain in the ass a good portion of the time. She did scoot her denim clad legs away from the pool of water making its way over the edge of the table from the vase I'd disrupted before it could get her clothes wet.

Gotta love Auntie Rose and her ability to look like a well-styled supermodel posing for a cover while the world falls apart around her.

I'd made it to the door and was ready to step out into the night, adrenaline pumping, my earlier aggravation replaced with an edge of excitement over getting my revenge, when I heard the voice of doom.

" _Renessmee Cullen_."

The voice was filled with disappointment and my name was followed by a sigh. I stopped reaching for the handle and rolled my eyes - grandmother. Pasting on my most angelic smile, I turned and faced eyes that weren't angry but held enough guilt to sink me through the floor and into the wine cellar.

"Evening, grandmother," I tried to be as winsome as possible, hands casually by my side as I continued, "Did you have a nice night out? Grandfather? Mom? Dad?"

It was like I was staring at two teams – Team Grandma featuring disappointment from Grandma Esme and Dad, while Team Grandpa could only be described as amused, considering both Grandpa Carlisle and mother were busy watching Chicken Little in the corner.

Feeling a little guilt start to creep in courtesy of my grandmother and from the mess I'd created, I quickly made my way over to Jasper and a very grumpy Alice who was avoiding looking at me, touching his neck before saying, "Forget what I said, J."

Shaking his head clear, Jasper stood up and spared me a glance before looking at the rest of the family. Thinking now was as good a time as any to make my exit, I quickly blurted out, "I'll just be grabbing a towel to clean up the mess."

I'd barely crossed the threshold into the kitchen when Dad asked with an aggravated whisper, "What the heck happened, Jasper?"

"She's just had a rough night, and you know Emmett can say the wrong thing, even if he thinks he's being funny."

"Yeah, but what's Emmett being Emmett got to do with you being in a corner doing…what exactly did she tell you to do?"

Ah, good old Dad, I tend to leave his old-fashioned, properly behaved temperament in tatters.

"It doesn't matter, Edward."

"Doesn't matter? She can't go unleashing her power on anyone that doesn't give her what she wants."

Jasper's next words were tightly held, a warning to back down, "I said it doesn't matter, Edward. Drop it. She had a rough night, she needs a little down time and Emmett got in her space. I was the one affected and I'm fine, so for all our sakes, back the fuck off."

I stepped out of the kitchen, nervously wringing the dish towel in my hand only to find Jasper with his hand outstretched, asking me to hand it over. I mumbled, "I got it."

"Go on upstairs, I'll take care of it," he replied with kind eyes and I raced past them all, not wanting to talk to anyone, needing that hot bath even more so.

I finished toweling off, throwing on some thick grey sweat pants and a Williams College t-shirt before brushing my teeth and making my way back to my room. Jasper was propped up against the headboard of my bed, reading my copy of "Pillars of the Earth."

I slid onto the bed next to him, reading over his shoulder as he spoke out loud, " _She was unique: there was something abnormal about her, and it was that abnormal something that made her magnetic._ "

I snorted at his chosen sentence, knowing he was letting me know that we were okay. I placed my head on his shoulder and mused, "Something tells me 'she' didn't turn people into chickens or otherwise the writer might not have been so fluent with his praise."

Scratching his chin, he seemed to think about that for a moment before asking, "Do you think I would have somehow tried to lay an egg had you left me there long enough?"

I giggled at the image and he smiled in that lazy way of his that keeps Auntie Alice swooning even after all the years they've shared. Sitting in silence, staring at the book and letting the air settle into silence, Jasper offered an apology, "I'm sorry tonight didn't work out."

Thinking back to Toby and our less than satisfactory union, I shrugged, "Yeah, well, I think I've reached the end of trying. I'd rather just accept being alone then make another stab at failure. It's just a little extra sucky being stuck in the house of the perfectly matched."

"Your dad would know all about that."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, well, excuse me if I don't want a lecture about who knows what's in my future, and I should just focus on my school and other interests in the meantime. Life isn't always about love, Renessmee."

Familiar with Edward Cullen's tendency to lecture, and how parenting opened a new door for him to impart wisdom, Jasper declared, "Your dad's an ass."

"Truth."

"I think it would be good for you to take a break," he threw out casually, but my pulse immediately jumped at his words.

Sitting up, I looked over at him, checking to make sure he was serious, "You do? You'll back me up on this?"

"I'm not saying they'll listen to me, but you've got my support."

I grabbed hold of his shoulders and hugged him tight, tears of joy and relief at having someone willing to fight alongside me. He rubbed my back in that awkward way that will always belong to my battle-scarred uncle, but long ago, I learned to ignore his stiffness, knowing that Jasper too needed to know someone in this family was willing to fight alongside him.

Settling back against the headboard, I returned to my earlier position, trying not to physically bounce up and down in my excitement. Faking casual, I nudged his shoulder, "Turn the page already, what kind of vampire are you if I can read faster?"

 **A/N: So, this one doesn't seem to be picking up much of a following, BUT, I'm continuing on with it anyhow. Comments, feedback, thoughts are always appreciated! Xoxo-G**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I do not benefit in any financial way from the writing of this piece of FanFic!**

 _*** Chapter 3 ***_

I survived Christmas.

Well, actually, Christmas wasn't too terribly hard to survive. The Cullens, for every Christmas that they'd celebrated over their centuries of existence, still held to family and to tradition complete with decorations, the exchange of gifts and a Christmas hunt. Even I would have to admit that for some reason every December 25th, we were able to push aside all differences in personalities, and the way those differences snagged and conflicted at times, to just be a family. It was quite the opposite of how some people felt about their families gathering together for the holidays.

Then somewhere over the days that followed, the warmth and joy of Christmas would begin to unravel as the clock pushed us closer towards January 1st, New Year's Day. Maybe if Jake had died on some obscure Tuesday in the middle of April things would have been different, it wouldn't be written in red ink, all caps in the mental calendar of our minds.

But there you have it, with the very first day of the year came the last day of his life. And with every year that has begun since then, you won't find our family in Times Square or watching the countdown with foil crowns perched awkwardly on our heads and noisy horns in hand. Instead, we seem to move to our separate corners, cold and distant, holding breath we don't need for 24 hours, as if there is no way to face a future if we don't first grieve the past.

Again.

We've been stuck in this cycle for years now.

In the beginning, I understood, I needed to heal as well, my wounds were only newly fused shut, the scar ropey and raised across my skin. The next year I tried to take a breath, to push my head above water, to break the surface back into the sunlight. Only, Jacob's death remains a chain wrapped around my ankle and every time I try and kick free, there's something lying in the dark depths unseen that pulls me back under, suffocating me in sorrow that plunges down my throat filling my lungs until it has replaced all the oxygen. I have no choice but to wait until I can exhale and rid myself of the memories once more.

I'm not really sure who we're holding this vigil for anymore. It isn't me. It shouldn't be me. I don't need this. I want to let go.

Lying in my bed, propped up by a pile of pillows and buried beneath my fluffy down comforter, I watch as individual snow flakes fall from the sky in an effortless dance and try and gather the courage to leave the warmth of my mattress fortress and venture downstairs to broach the subject of leaving with my parents.

Rosalie and Emmett left the day after Christmas for a vacation on Grandmother's private island, and my grandparents themselves decided a trip to Alaska to spend some time with old friends was needed before Carlisle returns to the hospital. No one will say that they don't want to stick around for another New Year, but honestly, everyone wants to get the hell out of dodge whether they've got the balls to admit or not. Jasper and Alice stuck around only because Jazz promised to back me up on this, to stand alongside me on my decision.

Chiding myself for being a coward, I slide out of bed and decide a shower is definitely needed before facing the day. Once that's complete, I figure my favorite pair of purple leggings and extra long sweater with the skull encrusted on it in tiny black gems will help bolster my courage. Next stop, black knee high boots with the buckles on the side. I stare at myself in the closet mirror before giving my reflection a sassy wink. Look like you can kick some ass, feel like you can kick some ass.

I've got this, easy peasy.

Feeling a little stronger, I make my way down the stairs and march straight into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, black. Grabbing a bagel from the fridge, not bothering to warm it up because they're chewier when they're cold, I wander into the living room like it's a normal lazy winter break day and throw myself down into an overstuffed chair pulling off chunks of blueberry bagel and stuffing them in my mouth, the only sign that I'm nervous being the fact that I'm devouring the thing like I've been starving for days.

Dad's busy working on some new arrangement on the piano while Mom's reading one of the books she received for Christmas, taking her time to take in every word on the page before moving on to the next. I take in the steady movement of her eyes over every sentence, smiling at how she's lost in the story. She and I share a love of paper books over e-readers. There's something to be said for being able to open a book and slide your fingers over the page, taking in the texture of slightly thickened paper, stirring up the scent of inked text. It's also one of the reasons I'm one of the few students who continue to lug around texts compared to just a laptop. I can spend uninterrupted hours making my way through an interesting read, but with a backlit screen, my eyes get tired of the glare and I'm forced to take a break.

"I'm leaving."

There. I said it. I reflect and judge my words, giving myself an "A" for keeping it short and sweet, not overly emotional, to the point.

Dad just keeps on playing and mom doesn't even bother to look up, merely asking, "Where are you off to today?"

"No, I don't think you understand," I try and emphasize that this is more than a trip to the mall, "I'm going away for a few weeks."

Suddenly the room is silent and I know Dad's keyed into my thoughts and plans, searching for the explanation I have yet to speak, and Mom finally puts down her book to look at me and question with a frown, her golden eyes concerned, "Are you and Jasper and Alice taking a trip or something? I don't remember you mentioning this before."

"Because she hasn't wanted to share anything with us about her plans to go away. _Alone_ ," Dad explains dryly. He's turned around on the bench and already crossed his arms, letting me know that there is one party in this discussion that has already closed his mind to the idea.

"Alone? Where would you go?" Mom starts to question in rapid fire, and I see out of the corner of my eye that Jazz has taken his position in the doorway that leads to the enclosed porch off the back of the house, "Why would you go somewhere by yourself, especially _now_?"

"That's exactly why I need to go, Mom," I meet her eyes, the sadness there and I allow my eyes to drop, to focus on tearing the remainder of my breakfast into little pieces, "I know he was your best friend and you miss him. And, I realize you're a vampire and all that stuff about your emotions running deeper, unchanging, but what about me? You may want to remember, but maybe I want to forget!"

She looks like I've slapped her when she whispers raggedly, "You don't mean that."

Closing my eyes, I try to ignore her hurt and reorganize my thoughts, "You know I won't ever forget Jacob, god, how could I? But I don't want to go back to that day. Not this year. I just need some space from it."

When I open my eyes once more, I see they've joined forces. Dad has come to stand behind Mom, his hand on her shoulder, her hand on top of his, the picture of solidarity. Does no one ever think about what it's like to be me? To be surrounded by their intertwined lives, a lonely half of what was once a whole.

Taking a breath, I try to help them see things from my perspective, "How many years, Mother?"

"Ness…"

"Don't 'Ness" me, _how many years_?" I demand, chilling the air with the emptiness of my voice, the tone hollow.

Sighing resignedly, she gives in to my question, even though we both knew the answer, "Five, Jake's been gone five years next week."

"Five years…five years that you'll never experience and five years that I have shared that damnable date with this entire family, the lot of you huddled around me, cloaked in pity, waiting for me to shatter or better yet, being overdosed with Uncle J's positive voodoo vibes," my gaze turns towards the source of my accusation, meeting his eyes and sharing an understanding that he was only trying to help but sometimes anesthesia only numbs, it doesn't actually take away the pain. Reenergized, with a vehement shake of my head, I declare, "Not this year, I refuse to go along with another morose family get together."

"I just don't think you going by yourself is a good idea," Dad injects his opinion into the conversation.

Throwing my hands into the air, I can feel the hysteria settle beneath my skin and bubble up my throat until I'm making this half-crazed sound. You can only keep a bird caged for so long before it either breaks its wings trying to escape or accepts fate and waits to die. I question, "What good is being some sort of mutant vampire hybrid if I can't go out by myself? Why am I the only one in this family who requires some sort of bodyguard 24/7?"

"You know what can happen…" he reminds me as if I'm a child once more and he's teaching me a lesson.

"And you know I can take care of myself. One touch of the hand, a few words and I can end any threat," I cross my own arms and counter.

Jasper snorts, and dad turns toward the sound, "You think this is amusing? She had her last attackers take their own lives, Jasper, in case you forgot"

He seems bored when he answers, "And?"

"What happens if she gets out of control with her abilities and no one is there to point it out, to remind her who she is, to bring her back from the edge?"

"Jesus Christ, Edward, she told a couple of rogue vampires to end themselves after they killed Jacob. They deserved to die, attacking unprovoked like that. This wasn't some accident, it was murder and she evened the score, a life for a life. Don't twist this into some epic inner struggle between good and evil. Stop being so fucking dramatic," he defends and the words bolster my courage, makes me want to fight for this.

"Has Alice seen anything?" he questions.

"Alice hasn't shared anything alarming and she's been aware for awhile now that Ness was planning on taking this trip." 

Arching an eyebrow, Dad pushes mentally and Jazz stares him down, his eyes cold and challenging until Dad states, "You're hiding something."

"You don't deserve to know everything all the time, Edward. Fate doesn't owe you a mapped out preview of the future," Jasper sighs, "You and Alice could both use a lesson in that. She doesn't need to know everything that's going to happen and you don't need to hear everyone's thoughts. Just trying living, for fuck's sake, just letting things fall where they may. I say she'll be fine, I stand by my words. That's all you need to know."

"Okay," the words are soft and timidly spoken, pulling my attention away from the two men arguing over what feels like more than just my decision to take a solo vacation.

Both my father and I turn to look at the source of the interruption, and my mother is gripping her book in her hands, the force of her fingers threatening to bend the hardback tome in half. She's struggling, but she's agreeing and that's all I need to hear for my heartbeat to pick up speed.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. We just want you to be happy," and she smiles because I am happy, but not necessarily because she is, but again, I'll greedily latch onto anything that tastes like freedom. I rush over and squeeze next to her on the couch, hugging her tight, our heads blending together in that identical color of red-streaked brown, appearing to the outside world more like sisters instead of mother and child. My father remains stoic, not joining in my excitement, but he does place a hand on my head and that's about all I can hope for from him.

Though I had already made a mental note of what I wanted to pack, I had avoided putting anything into my pack, lest someone catch wind of my plans before I was ready.

Jasper and I have discussed areas up north, in Canada, where the air is clean and people are almost non-existent. Without humans to feed from, and veering way off the path between major cities, I'm less likely to come across anyone, vampire and human alike. The family owns a hunting cabin up in the mountains and that's where I'll spend most of my stay, needing very little supplies as there are clothes and other items waiting for me at my destination. I've gathered a few of my favorite books, a text from an upcoming course that I want to get a head start on, and some basic food items that I'll supplement with my own hunting.

I'm in the bathroom grabbing a bag of toiletries when I hear my mother enter my room and take a seat on my bed. She's busy unfolding and refolding some of my clothes in order to keep her hands busy while she tries to ask casually, "So, you think you've got it all?"

"I think so, and it isn't like I can't venture to a neighboring town if I need to. An afternoon run and I can get my hands on whatever I'm missing," I reassure her and she nods.

"Two weeks?"

"Two weeks," I reassure her, "You won't even know I'm gone."

"I doubt that very much, but I'm sure we'll survive," she counters, "I just hope you find whatever peace, whatever space it is that you need."

I try and think of some way to answer her, but instead I just let it be. I don't trust my words to try and explain what it is that I'm looking for, and honestly, I'm really not in the mood to try and justify my actions.

A few minutes pass in companionable silence before I ask something that I haven't been able to let go of since our earlier talk, "When do you think it'll ever be okay between dad and I again?"

"What do you mean?"

She tries to feign innocence but I know my mother knows exactly what I'm talking about so I just stop what I'm doing and stare at her until she meets my eyes.

"Geesh, you remind me of your grandfather when you do that, Charlie Swan Interrogation 101," she rolls her eyes, trying to inject some humor and I refuse to let her off the hook.

"I don't know what to tell you, honey. That day, it was a wake up call to your father that you aren't a little girl anymore, though it feels like you really weren't ever one. I don't know, Edward tries so hard to protect what he loves, and sometimes it can feel a little…"

"Smothering? Suffocating? Over bearing?" I offered helpfully.

She smiled, "I know it seems that way. I can remember before I was changed just how much he tried to keep me safe, and then came James, and the wolves, and your birth, and the Volturri, and Jacob's death. I think sometimes he questions whether he's failed somehow when these things keep happening. Just when he feels like everything's as it should be, the unexpected happens."

"No one can plan for every little thing, Mom, even with Aunt Alice on our side, it just isn't possible unless we're going to bury ourselves in a cave somewhere living off rats and whatever else we can find lurking in the dark."

"Yeah, let's not give your father that idea, okay?" She joked and I had to smile because really, I know Dad loves me, but there were other times I felt like I didn't quite fit into his expectations, "Just try and have some patience with him, okay?" 

"Sure, sure," I agreed, catching her eye as the words left my lips, knowing I'd picked them up from another and we both missed him, just in different ways.

Making her way off the bed and to my door, she turned once more with a quick, "Let me know if you need anything."

Before I could answer that I was fine, she was gone.  
_

 **Yeah, I know this one was a little more emotional, but hopefully those of you who aren't into that type of thing suffered through and stuck with it till the end. It won't always be this way. : ) xoxo- C**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: As always, Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I don't make any money, but I do love my characters and so it's all good.**

 _*** Chapter 4 ***_

I stood at the edge of the tree line, gazing at the tangle of trunks and branches, the way that they filled up every inch of space from left to right in layers so it was impossible to see farther than a few hundred feet in.

The unknown.

I didn't know what waited for me past those trees, but it felt like more than just a few days away from my family. There was expectancy in the air that tingled along the tops of my arms, causing tiny hairs to stand at attention. I bounced lightly on the balls of my feet, itching to get started, but resisting the urge to rush the moment, lest my parents change their mind about letting me go.

I turned my head when I realized Jasper was speaking.

"Alice and I ran the path to the cabin and didn't find anything out of the ordinary, Edward. No unusual scent trails, nothing at the house had been touched, nothing that would cause me concern," Jasper explained.

He and Alice had offered the cabin that they often used when visiting with Peter and Charlotte. I had never been there myself, but Uncle J reassured me that if I followed the path that he and Alice had made, I should be fine.

"Alice?" Edward questioned.

Sighing, Alice quipped, "You would've made one hell of an overprotective human parent if you hadn't been changed, Edward. Like you haven't checked my thoughts a hundred times since Ness planned this little outing. And nothing's changed. Let the bird leave the nest already."

Mom grabbed me into a tight hug, her slightly shorter frame causing me to tip forward a little.

"You'll check in with us in a few days, yes?" her words formed a question, but conveyed a demand.

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "I promise." 

Taking a step back to look at me, I could feel her eyes as they traced the lines of my face, making a photographic memory to file away, "Alright, then, I suppose you should get going. I know you're not scared of the dark or anything, but it would be nice to reach your destination before the sun goes down. Edward, come say your goodbyes, so our daughter can get on with her adventure," she finally smiled at me, and it infused me with a sense of peace that she was okay with this.

Kissing my forehead, dad squeezed my hand and gave a quick, "Don't forget to call, Ness, or we'll come looking for you."

Chuckling, I knew he would make good on those words, "Yes, sir."

Turning, I looked at Uncle J and couldn't help the ear to ear grin that broke out on my face. He chuckled, but I knew that he, more than anyone else, understood how excited and nervous and energized I was at the moment. Not just because he could read my emotions with his ability, but because that's how deeply Jazz and I had become intertwined in the years after I lost Jacob. I ran over and held my hand up to fist bump him, feeling victorious in my moment, and he laughed, returning the gesture before tilting his head towards the trees as if to push me along.

I started to turn, but felt my heart stutter, a little slice of panic interrupting my step, causing me to pause and I grabbed hold of steady amber eyes paired with a quiet southern drawl that simply stated, "Go on, darlin', you're going to be just fine."

Inhale…Exhale….Yes… _Go._

One step taken slowly turned into a second step taken with more purpose, became a full run into the tree line, the weight of my poppy-red pack sitting snug between my shoulders as I weaved between the layers of the forest until my family could see me no more.

The world was white, everything encrusted in a layer of dazzling snow; the cool air cleansing my mind from a clutter of thoughts as my legs crossed miles. Clouds softly slid across the sky, walking alongside the sun as it made a path towards the horizon, and still I ran, my momentary hesitation shed like a layer of skin and replaced with a yearning for freedom, unleashed like a frenzied beast in my chest. I fed it with steps pounded into the snow and muscles pushed to the limit of speed I was capable of reaching.

Hours passed until the sunset was ablaze at the top of the ridge in front of me, and I made my way towards the place where it appeared the morning star had decided to take a rest, feeling the need to rest myself. Reaching the top of the hill, I pulled one strap of my pack off my shoulder letting the bag slide down my other arm till it reached my hand and I brushed a layer of snow off a sizeable rock, creating a spot big enough to put the pack down and then taking up the seat next to it.

Pulling my legs up until I could wrap my arms around my knees and rest my head, I closed my eyes, and tried to soak in the black that my dark clothing and curled up position could offer. My eyes had sunlight and rainbow prisms of snow etched deep into the retinas, so it took a few moments before the memory of all that light faded away.

My heart was an erratic rhythm that had started to slow down, my breath warming in the cocoon I had created with my body, and my ears twitched for sounds of life in this winter wonderland. Most of the wildlife in this area had already bedded down for winter hibernation or submitted to their natural instinct to migrate south, so there was only the random sound of the swaying of a stranded leaf still anchored to a branch or the settling crackle of the ground under the weight of snow. The woods lay mostly silent and still in a way that wrapped around my shoulders, a blanket of peace that I wore as a mantle.

Only another hour or so from the cabin, I felt I needed this stopping place, this moment, this reprieve before moving on to my destination. So, I embraced the restoration of being still and concentrated on relaxing my muscles, feeling the weight of the past slowly slip away, one thin tendril-like strand at a time, as if releasing me from invisible binding that everyone else had failed to see for the past five years.

Everything was just as I needed it to be until I heard the tell-tale snap of an intruder that had stepped onto ground not quite muted with thick snow so that the dry branch beneath his or her foot echoed like a gunshot through the air causing my eyes to fly open, the pupils dilating quickly in an attempt to adjust to the massive intrusion of light.

Resisting the urge to react, I grabbed hold of the training Uncle J had imparted back when we used to worry that the Volturri would return with an army at any moment. He had deeply ingrained into my mind the necessity of not reacting on emotions like fear and anger because it will lead you to rash decisions and flailing out at any shadow that moves. Instead, take hold of that adrenaline soaked energy and use it to bolster your defense.

So, I stood and waited for the stranger on two legs to approach, taking in whatever information I could get from what I could hear, knowing that I would need whoever it was to come close enough to touch if I was to use my own gift to diffuse the situation.

Closing my eyes once more, I let my ears take over the search, hearing movement coming from behind on the left, swift and smooth, the cadence familiar. _Vampire._ Feeling confident of this new development, I remained completely motionless, letting them see that I too could behave in a most un-human way even though my heart gave off a detectable rhythm that would contradict otherwise.

In a single breath, I felt the change, right there, right in front of my face, the being had come to a halt. I could sense behind the curtain of my closed lids a presence that was taller and seemed to give off some sort of electricity that sparked across my skin, contradicting any past encounters I'd had with one of our kind. Drawing my eyebrows close together in a frown, I inhaled, startled to find that the air suddenly smelled of earth after rain, when it's washed clean and dirty green gives way to rich emerald hues.

Thrown into confusion, I waited an impatient moment, noting that neither of us had launched an attack on the other, choosing instead to chance opening my eyes only to be met with a pair the color of a bruised violet, when the petals have been crushed. I'd never seen anyone possess eyes quite the shade of purple that met my stare with their own level of interest.

My life as an immortal has not been a long one, but my family and I have traveled the globe, visiting our friends and taking in the many cultures to be found. If you had used the words handsome or attractive to describe someone, it wouldn't have held much meaning, for I have seen so many faces of perfection, so many that I would have declared myself immune to them all. 

That was until this very moment when my eyes opened and I had a chance to look at him.

Could there be something beyond vampiric perfection? If so, he possessed it, standing before me with jet black hair framing a pale face that was breath-taking. I hungrily searched his features, noting his jaw was sharp and angular, eyebrows perfectly sculpted arches, flawless skin, and those alluring eyes, inquisitive in their inspection of my own features.

I couldn't resist the urge to reach out and so I moved quickly, lest he stop me, to place my own hand on the side of his face, feeling a tiny thrum of energy leave my fingers, the impulse of my gift to draw him in sent out the moment I touched his skin.

Quirking his head slightly to the side as if trying to unravel a mystery, he asked in a voice that was rich with amusement, "You would try and enthrall me?"

"What?"

Words, words, he was talking to me. What was he asking?

I broke the hold of his eyes to glance at where my palm was resting and quickly pulled it back to my side, only to feel him mirror my earlier movement, now placing his own hand on my cheek. Interesting, not only was his touch very similar in temperature to that of my own and not the stinging heat of others I'd known or the glacial cool of a vampire, but I could feel an answering pulse of magnetism that threaded through my limbs, calling to me on a level that went beyond thought, irresistible in its pull. Even though I knew from my own gift that the will was not found in my own desires but in a mystical ability, one I should I fight, I nevertheless felt the urge to give him whatever he asked.

He interrupted my mind's war against the supernatural when he mused, "When you touched me, you tried to mesmerize me, place me in your hold, much as I'm doing to you right now, yes?"

I rifled through the library of my mind, trying to find the answer to the man before me, and drawing a blank, I spoke without thinking, "What are you?"

Pulling his hand back, causing my body to immediately miss the connection, he echoed, "I could ask the same of you. What are _you_?"

Taking his time to circle where I was standing, the stranger did not wait for my answer before verbalizing his assessment, his nostrils flared as he made his notes out loud, "You smell faintly of a vampire, but your swiftly beating heart contradicts that analysis, you hold the power of sway as if you were fae, but you resemble a human too much to be one of the fair folk."

Getting a little irritated by the way his words seemed critical and somewhat put off by his findings, the hold on my nerves snapped and I crossed my arms before firing back, "And you smell like a mound of dirt, have eyes the color of an eggplant and move rather gracefully except for that twig you stepped on that would have alerted almost any human."

Dismissing the criticism, he replied with a shrug, "I didn't want to startle you, so I gave you warning of my presence."

 _Yeah, I'd heard that one before,_ "Is this your way of trying to say you did it on purpose, because that's sounds a lot like my Uncle Emmett when he tries to save face after losing at Call of Duty."

"Uncle? You have family? I could have sworn you were alone as I was following you," his eyes scanned our surroundings, scouring the woods for any signs that there were others hidden from his senses.

"Yes," I replied with a sigh, "Not with me at the moment, but yes, I have several family members. But you didn't answer my question. Are you some sort of nomadic vampire-thing?"

Scoffing at the question, it seemed I was the one hitting a nerve as he rose to his full height that pushed several inches past six feet, adopting an intimidating look down his nose at my question when he answered, "I am not a 'thing' as you suggest, my father is a vampire and my mother is a leannan sidhe."

It only took a moment for me to find the information I was searching for earlier, once he'd basically given the answer, "Your mother is a life-draining fairy?"

I'd never met this particular branch of the supernatural, nor had I ever expected to find it in the forests of Canada. Fae were said to inhabit a land hidden deep beneath the Emerald Isle. I couldn't hold back my shock over his genealogy and questioned skeptically, "Aren't you a bit far from the motherland?"

Matching my own stance, so that we both stood facing one another with our arms crossed, he admitted, "Yes, well, I'm not exactly full fledged fae am I? Nor am I 100% vampire, so I left this 'motherland' you refer to when I grew tired of being the odd little hybrid that everyone stared at as if I were a puzzle they couldn't quite figure out."

I watched his eyes and his mouth as he answered, noticing the way he'd stiffened with his words even though he'd spoken the explanation with very little emotion, as if reading an answer from a textbook. I could relate to his confession; I understood what it was like to stand out. The Cullens had an entire race of vampire kin and Jake had a tribe of shape shifters that spanned generations, but me? I had only been able to locate 1 or 2 others roaming the planet that shared my make-up, and I wasn't exactly fond of them, "I can understand that."

Curiosity allowed him to let go of his rigidity and ask, "How so?"

"Half human, half vampire" was all I willing to offer by way of answer, letting him know with my own tone of voice that the subject was a sore spot.

"Aaahhh, so you're an orphan. That is quite sad. I can see why you don't wish to discuss the subject," he said with the practiced grace and formality of an upper-class aristocrat, letting his facial features slide into feigned concern, "I apologize if I have intruded where I shouldn't."

An orphan? He's apologizing for intruding _now_? After his earlier treatment of me as if I were a scientific specimen awaiting dissection? I couldn't help the snicker that escaped my lips over this new up-tight formality, and with the response of a questioning tilt of his head once more, my amusement grew into a girlish giggle I wouldn't have recognized a week ago.

"Are you okay? I wouldn't think now would be a time for laughter."

Did either of us really know what to make of this meeting anymore or what the correct reaction should be? I gestured to his posture and then down his body which was completely encased in black, his lengthy hair that stretched past his shoulders blending into the material, "Are you always like this? All formality and, and…"

Realizing that I found humor in what he had intended for sincerity, his voice sounded rather offended when finishing my sentence, "Manners and good breeding?"

I rolled my eyes, thinking he sounded a little like Rosalie when she got all uppity about anyone who dare contradict her, "Yeah, something like that. Anyhow, I never said I was an orphan, so you can stop with the pity party. That sort of thing was exactly what I was running from when I came out here."

That threw him for a loop, so that he asked, "Your mother survived having you?"

"Yes, and now she's a vampire as well and she and my father are very happy, eternally bonded and all that, and I'm the hybrid half breed born of their love, "gesturing towards my body as if I were a prize in a showcase, I rattled on, "All the perks of being a vamp without the restrictions that come with looking like you're covered in glitter every time you step into the sun, and I can enjoy a good night's sleep when I choose to."

I've tried to take pride in my differences, embracing the benefits that come with being both human and vampire. I know my family loves me, but if I'm not careful, on days when it's obvious that I'm not 100% like everyone that I spend every day of my life with, well the little things start to grow into big things and threaten to drive a wedge between me and the people I hold dear.

Interrupting the words I didn't speak out loud, he observed, "And you have the ability to enthrall others it would seem, or other humans at least."

"And vampires," I added, leaving out the part about shape shifting wolf-boys. He didn't need to know that.

Scratching his angular chin, he thought out loud, "Though it doesn't quiet work on me, but I'd say that has something to do with my mother's side of things. You and I, I think we're too much alike in our abilities, so I'm immune to your sway."

"It didn't work at all?"

I've never met anyone who could resist my pull. But then again, I'd never met anyone who mirrored my ability and used it against me either.

Leaning forward so that his jaw was almost sliding along the side of my cheek, I could feel the skin flush and heat up as he whispered huskily into my ear, "Well, it does make you rather attractive, more so than other women I've been with."

My head clouded with his words and that faint scent of rain had returned once more. I longed to lean into him, to take a deep breath and hold it in, to let my mind drown in the trance I felt when he was speaking and standing so close. When he took a step back and broke the connection, I shook my head slightly to clear it, while he smirked knowingly.

Like a cold bucket of water, that look on his face caused my hands to curl into fists, bristling at his amusement. Here I'd thought he possessed the manners of a high class gentleman, but instead it appears I was merely a toy to play with. I didn't leave my home for this shit, and I sure as hell wasn't sticking around to see what game he wanted to play next.

Moving to walk past, I held my head high, not giving him the satisfaction of meeting his eyes as I made my exit. I'd only gone a few steps before I felt him following alongside before asking curiously, "You said you were running from something earlier, what happened? Disagreement with this family of yours?"

Not stopping to address his inquiries, I continued with even more determined steps through the trees, throwing an "It's personal" in his direction.

"Try me," he urged, "Think of me as a completely unbiased sounding board."

Seriously? Hadn't we already gotten all close for comfort only to have him mock me in the end? I dismissed his offer, "Thanks, but I don't know you, what makes you think I'd just be up for sharing my personal life?"

So caught up in my frustrations, I didn't stop him when he jumped in front of me, and being unable to stop forward momentum, I crashed into his body, finding my nose buried in his shirt. Gritting my teeth, I backed up only to find a hand held out in introduction combined with a charming smile, "Finn"

Of course it was. Finn. Might as well have been Puck or Pan or Lord Elron.

"Finn? How appropriate," I remarked blandly, ignoring the hand that he offered until he raised his eyebrows and kind of bounced a little, trying to bring my attention back to his position. Seeing that it appeared we weren't going to part without first introducing ourselves, I caved and met his grasp, "Ness."

Not letting go of my hand, his stupid, perfect smile turned once more into a devilish smirk, "Ness, as in..."

" _Do not finish that statement."_

"Of course not," Finn agreed diplomatically, forcing the smirk from his face before deciding to try a second attempt at getting me to open up, "You know, it isn't often I get the privilege of spending time with other supernatural beings, let alone one so unique as yourself. Something about those golden–flecked eyes of yours I think…"

I pulled my hand away, letting him know I wasn't exactly charmed by his words, even if I had to agree it was intriguing to come across someone so different from any I'd met before. Not to mention those eyes that I wouldn't mind getting lost in….mmmm… I realized he was speaking again.

"…you've stirred me from my hiding place, Ness, surely we can chat for a little while," He nudged my arm good naturedly, "Now, about that whole running thing…"

With a huff that ruffled a curl of chestnut hair that had escaped my ponytail and was trying to tickle my nose, I found myself giving in and staring into Finn's eyes, rifling through my memories before pulling a few of me and Jake, ending with his graveside goodbye and my family sending me off this morning. He wanted explanations? Fine, I'd do him one better, give him more than he expected. Taking a firm grip of the hand he'd dropped, I sent him one small clip of my past after another in rapid succession. I watched as he jolted in shock when receiving the first images, and I preened with the satisfaction of catching him off guard with another one of my unique traits.

"I see…you have quite a large family…" staring off into space, Finn seemed to be processing what I was giving him before finally declaring off handedly, "You weren't in love with him."

What. The. Fuck.

Quick as lightening, I pulled back my hand that held his, choosing instead to land it on the side of his face with force, thankful the moment it made contact that he didn't possess the rigidity of the rest of our kind, "Fuck you."

I broke free of our shared space, not caring about the red print I'd left as he rubbed his jaw where I'd made contact.

 _Fool, you were a fool to have given him a piece of you._

"And, it makes you feel guilty because you know it's the truth."

"I don't know any such thing and neither do you, because you don't know a damn thing about my life or me for that matter," I closed my eyes, grinding out bitter words between clenched teeth, feeling a stab of pain in my chest, angry at the tears that had chosen to make an appearance, "He was with me from the beginning, from before my beginning he waited for me, and he did everything in his power to love me and make me happy."

"Oh, I don't doubt that for a moment, I saw it in your memories. You were the sun and the center of his universe," I felt him close the gap between our bodies once more, urging me to slow my steps as his voice softened, as if he were speaking to an injured animal, "but it didn't go both ways. At least, it didn't seem that way to me. You could tell he felt loved by you, but on your part, I don't know, it just felt like something was…"

My heart seized because I knew how to finish the sentence. Was I willing to open this door, to reveal what I'd never admitted to anyone?

"Missing."

I stumbled as I whispered the word into the darkening air, the sun fading quickly from the sky, bleeding gold into fuchsia. I stated my case, my justification for sin unconfessed, "I did love him. I _did_. He deserved that much, he gave that much."

I looked up to find Finn witnessing the tears that had pushed through my words and were now spilling down my cheeks. His eyes held a measure of guilt and his arms were held at an angle that betrayed he was ill-equipped as to how he was supposed to handle the crying female standing in front of him. Backtracking, he stated, "I never said you didn't love him, I just said you weren't 'in' love with him. He was happy."

God, he was happy….Finn didn't know the truth of those words….Jake was always happy and it had always made me feel wretched to know that the depths of that happiness wasn't something I shared.

I felt the moment the dam broke, and I went running for the closest piece of higher ground I could find, seeking refuge in the man beside me. I couldn't be bothered with embarrassment as I buried my face in Finn's chest, curling my arms in to my body as I cried. I couldn't be bothered to register surprise when he gave into the sound of my pain by wrapping his arms around my body and holding me close.

My emotions flooded the air, out of control, and Finn was unprepared for the assault of memories that flooded his mind's eye when his skin happened to make contact with mine. I was unable to resist reliving every moment, and so he was pulled into my backwards spiral with me. But I had to search, to try and find some truth to Finn's words, that Jake had been happy and content with a girl that loved with limits.

Once the images slowed down, I felt Finn take a gasp of air, shifting enough to break contact with me. His hold loosened, but he didn't let go as he suggested, "How about a glass of wine or maybe some whiskey? I think we could both use a drink."

The weight of the past few moments threatened to unhinge me and I fought the urge to let hysterics take hold as I contemplated his offer. I looked around, rubbing at my face with the backs of my hands, trying to make sense of our current location, "I'm sorry, do you have a makeshift bar hidden in a tree trunk somewhere?"

Caught off guard by my unintentional humor, Finn began to laugh. I wasn't prepared for the sound, but it warmed the ache inside me and I needed a reason to breathe again, so I latched onto the sound.

"I don't live out here, sleeping on a branch, silly girl. I have a home. It's just over the hill."

I looked in the direction he had pointed, but failed to see anything. Weary from the emotional residue of facing truths long buried over the years, I shrugged, "Sure, wine, whisky, whatever."

Following Finn's tracks as he led the way, I allowed my focus to stretch only as far as the man in front of me. The moon cast a slight sheen to long hair that hung straight down his back, almost to his waist. Having the chance to watch him move more intently, I saw that not only was he prettier than a vampire, he possessed a feline grace that they didn't quite have. There was power, but it simmered under the surface of long limbs that flowed like liquid through the night air soundlessly.

I barely noticed that the trees had spread out and appeared thicker in the area of the forest that we'd traveled to. When Finn came to a halt at a set of stairs winding serpentine around one of the larger gnarled trunks, I almost walked into him. But realizing we had reached our destination and finding no stone cottage with a fire burning within, I let my gaze wander upwards until I was staring at the underside of what must be Finn's home – a literal tree house.

 **A/N: Truth, I am quite aware that it has been FOREVER since I've updated any of my writing. I even psyched myself out of writing this several times, my unused writing muscle protesting being put to use again. But, I did give you almost 5,000 words! Does that make up for dropping off as I did? Probably not, but hey, I tried. Xoxo-G**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer. I don't profit financially from this piece of writing, but I did pick up the ball where she left off and ran with it.**

 _*** Chapter 5 ***_

I have stumbled on a fairy tale creature living in a tree. Who would have seen that coming?

Making my way up the stairs, I took looked over the railing to admire how the ground distanced itself from our location and seemed to take the sounds of the forest along with it. I could hear the wind twist through the branches, but Finn's steps were almost completely muted and there was no other living creature that seemed to share our canopy hideaway.

Reaching the top of the stairs that blended in with a walkway to the main platform, I tried to cover up the snort that escaped when I took in the home in front of me. The slightly curved slope of the mossy roof could only be described as "hobbit-esque" or possibly "middle earth charm." Maybe the creators of the LotR franchise had hired Finn to give his input as to set designs. Between the location and the way it reminded me of Bilbo Baggins' home in the Shire, I started to feel a giggle escape with musings of living with a real elf in a tree, and maybe we'd visit other clichés, such as baking cookies to be sold at the local supermarket.

Oh, geeze, I am in serious need of some sleep.

I wasn't exactly certain how far I'd managed to travel towards Jasper's place, seeing as my trip had taken a detour, but between the excitement of going out on my own and my unexpected meeting and Finn's cutting observations about Jake and I, it was just too much. I needed to close my eyes, to retreat into my own head space to sort things out. I really hoped my host wouldn't think me rude for checking out on him.

Stepping away from the double front doors, I made the choice to walk along the railed porch that encircled the house, shifting to the left or right when a thick branch pushed through the floorboards and continued into the blackened sky above. I let my fingers idly graze the bumps and dips that the mix of layered shingles on the outside of the walls created as I walked slowly around the house.

There was the yellow glow of squares created by light shining outward through windows, and I realized that Finn hadn't felt the need to stop me or follow me when I didn't come through the front door after him. I was alone out on the balcony, able to cross my arms as I leaned against the railing, as if I needed to hold myself together while I closed my eyes and breathed deep and low, relaxing every muscle from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Jasper would have chided me for letting my guard down in a foreign place, but right now, for just a minute or two, I needed to feel the cool night air play with my hair, to let moonbeams warm my face, to hear the rhythm of my heart beating in my aching chest.

Sighing, I turned and made my way back to the front door. I must not be as apt at being silent as my host, because the moment I went to touch the door knob, it escaped my grasp and Finn was standing there with a gentle smile, welcoming me in without words. It was as if he could read my need for low key, or maybe that was just his personality. We didn't really know each other, so I couldn't give a definite statement in either direction.

Grandmother would have appreciated Finn's taste in décor, the soft neutral colors of the cushions on the furniture, the thick woven strands that formed the furniture itself, the small spotlight lamps that pointed upward and highlighted the curve of the ceiling. It was a clean, refreshing space that didn't intrude upon the occupant, but pulled you in. I crossed the floor to stand in front of the fireplace, splaying my fingers and allowing the heat to warm my hands.

When I turned, Finn was waiting with a stemless wine glass. I took it with a nod, wondering how many minutes had passed since either of us had verbalized a single word. It should feel awkward, this intertwining of our strange lives on one another, and yet, it was just easy. I didn't even think about where to sit, I just curled into the wide window seat, leaning one arm on an overstuffed pillow as I stared out the window and sipped the deliciously sweet wine he'd given.

Finally breaking our space of silence, I blurted out, "Does no one _ever_ bother you out here?"

Moving to pick up his own glass of wine, I noticed that Finn had left a book open on the table where his glass had been. It appeared he'd been reading while I was exploring the outdoors. Obviously, I wasn't a very threatening creature to him, but then again, my ability to sway hadn't worked. I wasn't a full fledged vampire, just a halfling with the handicap of being partially human.

Stopping by the edge of the seat, Finn motioned with his glass as if asking permission, and I pulled my legs up and nodded to let him know I didn't mind sharing my cozy nook with him.

Answering with a voice somewhat clinical, he explained, "It's another one of those fae magic things, the ability to sort of cloak ourselves from the rest of the world. Not to mention, it isn't as if I'm in the middle of a town. It's only those of our kind who usually cross my path, and even then, they don't take much notice. I'm neither a threat nor a person of interest."

"Aren't you lonely?"

Looking out the window, barely seeing the ground beyond the edge of the walkway, I could not fathom this existence he had out in the middle of nowhere. My life was a mix of colors and sounds, there was always someone else in the picture. Even as I slept, Jacob has shared my bed, curled around me until he had passed those many years ago. Now, my bed may be empty, but the house never was and sleepless vampires meant there was always movement in one room or another.

Finn seemed to examine his own thoughts for the right answer until he said, "At times, I suppose I am, but I can always travel to see family and I do have friends that I visit. Occasionally they even visit me. It's not like there isn't anyone who knows where I live, I've just never needed to have someone with me every moment of every day."

After a beat, as if he were unsure whether to pry, he asked, "Is that how you feel?"

Had I been asked the same question a month ago, I would have answered yes, that having my family around was a necessity. But something had been pushing at me for awhile now, enough that it got me out the door and on this journey. And at the moment, I wasn't so sure…there hadn't been enough time without them to see if being on my own felt right, but being here, among the tree tops with Finn felt comfortable even in its newness.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, choosing to stare at the fire instead of meeting Finn's questioning eyes. When he'd sat down, I noticed that the purple was harder to detect in the low light of the room. It was as if he shared the same shade as the wine in my glass, an almost black color until you stared at the edge where the liquid thinned slightly, showing it's true shade. But I could watch his lips as they took another sip, and the easy way his long fingers cupped the glass, and I could admire the way the flames would cause his hair to shine like satin, and I could certainly feel the wine spin my thoughts till they were very interested in those lips and just what those hands could do. Avoiding his intent gaze was necessary if I was to remain on my side of this window seat that was closer to being the size of a bed.

Taking another long sip of my drink, I chided my lust - _think with your brain, Ness, change the subject….._

Chancing a look into those magnetic eyes, I felt my cheeks flame before asking, "So, your mother and that whole life-sucking thing. How does that work?"

Raising an eyebrow in an answer as if to say, 'Really, you want to talk about my family now?', I figured he was either on to my attraction or thinking that he wasn't as willing to spill all his family secrets like I seemed so want to do. Feeling a fool for exposing so much of my past to an almost stranger, I played with the edge of the pillow until he interrupted, "I'm sure you've heard the tales of how her kind need other life forces in order to continue living. When she met my father, she had never known any who had tried to obtain what they needed to survive through the life force of an immortal, so upon a chance crossing of paths, she hooked my father in. Unfortunately for her it didn't work, though he was able to impregnate her during their brief relationship. It appears that vampires really don't have a life force, they're sort of…"

"Undead?" I offered with a grin, causing him to smile in response and my breath to catch at how all the light in the room seemed to be coming from him now.

"Yes, I suppose you could call it that."

"So, how do you survive? Do you have to drain another's life force as well?"

With a shrug, he replied, "Actually, I have a choice. I have the same power as my mother, but I can also survive on blood like my father. And, what of you?"

"Well, I can eat just as well as any human, but I do require a certain amount of blood to quench my thirst. However, that need just doesn't seem to be quite like that of the rest of my family," I answered and he nodded as if he understood.

And maybe he did.

Maybe I'd found someone who knew what it was like to have a certain measure of blood lust without it being all consuming. Or maybe the call of someone's life was greater than the staccato thump of a beating heart. Looking at him, I tried to uncover the mystery, giving in to just straight out asking, "So, how does it work, taking the essence of the living?"

Finn almost immediately held out his hand and I could do nothing but stare at the offer, both tempted and a little wary. What if he was low on juice and I'm the idiot sacrifice, willing to give him just the thing he needed to keep going? This was a stupid idea…This was something I wanted to feel for myself….Reaching out tentatively, I placed my hand on his and sighed as he slid his fingers along my palm until they rested on the pulse point in my wrist. Hadn't I just been imagining those hands on my body? Pulling me gently towards him, I began to feel a slight pull, an undeniable desire to get closer to those eyes now the color of morning just before the sun intrudes on the horizon. I wanted to see the threads of color in his irises; I wanted to run my finger through that hair.

Yes, please.

Giving in to that beckoning energy, it didn't seem odd that he had removed the glass from my fingers or that I'd missed where his had disappeared to. I just needed to be closer, and willingly slid onto his lap, thrilling that the level of heat pulsing from his fingers through my skin increased with the movement, so much so that I only desired more, my body demanded that I eliminate the space between us.

If I could hear my own heart beat speed up, he probably could too, but who cared when he was captive beneath me, right?

Yes, he was my captive; I was the one with the upper hand.

My mind laughed at the fallacy of that thought, but the rest of me ignored and pursued further. It took but a moment for my lips to be just the tiniest breath away from his, and I locked into that gaze, watching as Finn's eyebrows met in concentration and between my breasts, I felt the tug of an invisible string pulling at my center. My trained mind finally kicked into high gear and registering the intrusion as a threat, began a war with my traitorous desire. Finn's pull receded but only enough for me to seek satisfaction by closing the gap between us, and place my lips on his.

I felt him register the interruption when I started to struggle against his ability, but it seemed his own desire disregarded the unexpected surprise in exchange for giving in to the girl who now had her hands wrapped in his hair and was kissing him with abandon. When I pushed past his lips, tasting that same sweet wine on his tongue, I reveled in the power, thinking that even though I couldn't make him be my puppet on a string, I was still a woman to be desired.

And with that thought, it was as if our abilities chose to mirror each other. I traced my fingers up and down his neck, and purred as his hands found their way under my shirt to connect with the skin there. We were a closed circuit of lust and passion and pleasure, each one feeding the other a mixture of what they were feeling, spiraling upwards at a dizzying speed, both hearts racing, as our kisses became almost feral and out of control. I couldn't stop from rocking my hips against him, and spun out when he answered the movement, feeling the waves of my orgasm pull me under, so that I couldn't breathe, couldn't process all my body was feeling.

With a gasping breath, I broke the connection and pushed away enough that I could see that Finn's pupils were blown wide, and he was panting just as heavy as I was.

I ran a mental check…clothes still on….yes…hands still above the waist…yes…bra still in place and no undone buttons or zippers…yes, as well. And yet…did I finally get that mind-blowing, stress relieving, take me apart and put me back together orgasm I'd been dying for….why yes, yes, I did.

What. The Fuck. Just. Happened.

"Interesting, it seems you have enough vampire in you to protect your more human side. I got nothing from you," the man beneath me confessed.

It was the way he said it and the somewhat dazed look on his face that started my giggle that turned into full blown laughter. It was as if we were conducting a weird science experiment.

"Nothing?" I asked.

Grinning like a fool, I pushed a little bit of replay, making sure to emphasize the moment of climax. Finn cleared his throat before clarifying, "Well, I don't think I stole any of your future years, that is."

Letting go of his shoulders, I leaned back to look at my hands, turning them in the firelight, feeling a little bit magical and more than a little impressed with myself, "So, we're a little more evenly matched it seems."

Nodding only slightly, he agreed, "Seems so."

Feeling the weight of my release settle into my muscles and my eyes start to drift close, I looked out at the stars before questioning, "Finn?"

"Hmm?"

I smiled as it seemed he was lost in his own little slice of euphoria and was ready to drift off as well. The line of his jaw was still angular, but his face was softer, more peaceful.

"Can I hide away with you here?" I questioned sleepily, "For a little while at least?"

Caught off guard, he simply nodded without saying anything. Feeling the rest of my energy drift away with his agreement, I relaxed as Finn laid me back on the cushion and grabbed a blanket off of the nearby chair before tucking me in and placing a quick kiss on my lips that left me smiling.

He stepped away, and I grinned at the thought that he probably wanted to change clothes after our little interaction. I heard his footsteps stop and the sound of him inhaling deeply, but couldn't coerce my eyes open to see if he was alright. Sliding into sleep, I managed to hear him whisper, "I think I'd like it if you stayed, I think I'd like it very much."

 **A/N: So, if you happen to be a member of BiT (Better In Texas' site), you'll note I changed things up a little bit, not quite throwing them into the same sex fest that I had written into my original one-shot, but if I get to stretch this thing, I have time to get to certain points. Nevertheless, we've pretty much covered all of the original action and are jumping into new territory come next chapter.**

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you to the few of you that have given Hidden a little thumbs up! I heart you somethin' big!**

 **Xoxo-G**


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